Good News

I'm finally home. Finally here to completely relax and breathe. 

I can cook, shower without wearing shoes, sit with my sweet Charlie dog, drive my car, and sleep in my own giant, unlofted bed. Not to mention all the things I'm ecstatic to do this weekend, but I cannot wait to see my sweet friend Emily and my sister Sarah. I have missed both of these girls so incredibly much over the past two months, and time to relax with them will be absolutely wonderful. 

To add to the happiness to be home, I have been welcomed with some WONDERFUL news! My daddy, who underwent intense radiation and chemotherapy this past summer for tonsil cancer, got his first test results back today since ending treatment. ...and they're clear! No more cancer! God is so so so SO GOOD! 

He'll have another scan in another six months, s0 we'll continue praying for physical and spiritual healing throughout this process. Until then, I'll be praising Jesus for the growth and restoration that's already been so evident in Dad's life since the start of all this just five months ago.

Have Faith

Ever get that feeling that you've created your own enemy? 

I certainly did. 

Pursuit of God's presence is what I live for. I thrive to feel close to Him, to feel His love, and to feel his Holy Spirit. But what happens when you don't feel anything?

Discouraging doesn't even begin to describe how absolutely defeated and alone I feel. I'd sit down to read my Bible or pray and get nothing. Nothing. It seemed useless. And here, in the time when I felt like I needed God most in the spiritual battle raging through philosophy class, I was left to fend for myself.

Left alone?

Never.

By God's grace, He gave me the good friends and leaders around me to encourage and point me towards the truth: He's here.

True, I may not feel anything, but Pastor JD Greear helped me to remember where my feelings actually fit in with my relationship with God this past weekend at Summit Church. To put it simply, feeling should be the last thing to ever fuel my relationship in Christ. Faith follows fact, and feeling follows faith. My feelings grow out of my faith, but can be so easily swayed by outside influences, both good and bad. JD went on to say, "the feeling that you are saved and close to God is the fruit of the gospel, but they are not the basis of your assurance. The finished work of Christ is the basis of your assurance of salvation and God's presence."

Silly feelings. I know in my head what I believe, but so often I let my emotions get the best of me, plaguing me with doubt and discouragement. Lucky for us, God doesn't judge us by our feelings and emotions, nor does He act based upon how we feel. He is forever unchanging, always with us.

"Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, 

the conviction of things not seen."

Hebrews 11:1

Rain, Rain, Go Away

My plea for the weekend. It's time for Cornerstone's fall retreat, and I was so excited to camp out this year in my new eno hammock. But, considering the 70% chance of precipitation (not just rain though, the little pictures are of the lightning bolts and dark clouds) I'd say we have a minor setback.

Let's pray for some sunshine, people! 

Armor

Hard to believe how long it's been. I had no idea that being back at school would be so busy this year, but here I am finally to post, and putting off another assignment that I'll most likely finish just before class tomorrow.

Speaking of class, there is one in particular that has cause me much grief already. And we're only just beginning.
Philosophy. 
It should come as no surprise that philosophy class taken at such a liberal school would be taught by an atheist, but the hostility of it is like a slap in the face. It's a constant battle and argument between believers and nonbelievers, about the existence of God on every level you can imagine. Already, I've seen my fair share of doubt and depression from the questions raised about why people choose to believe. Not only am I struggling with the curriculum, but the way people talk about things is equally hard to hear. Some can be so ignorant and hostile when talking about religious matters, and most often, it comes from the nonreligious. It's as though the course material, which I already have problems with, is taught by a bunch of hateful, angry people who want nothing more than to see my demise as I turn from God.
...Newsflash: that's not in my future.

Needless to say, every class, discussion, and message created online has made me aware of just how important it is to put on God's armor. I leave class feeling beat up, as if I have been attacked. No surprises there, I am. This classroom is like a battlefield, an arena for spiritual warfare. Fortunately, I have found myself learning what it means to be in daily dependence on Jesus and find the power of His name.

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand." 

Ephesians 6:10-13

ReCap.

It's crazy how much time has passed since I was last ranting about my life here. ...It feels like it's been years, but it was actually just a couple short weeks jam-packed with all sorts of happenings.

Countdown Re-Cap:

10. Visit to Columbia to see my beautiful sister and brother-in-law. Love them.
9. Last day of work at PBK. Undeniably sad.
8. Packing up and saying goodbye to my dear, beloved, non-UNC friends.
7. Move-(back)-in Day! Crazy, chaotic, hectic, and sweaty, but well worth it.
6. Hillsong United concert. Best. Night. Ever. (Third row seats, nbd)
5. Fall Fest! 600+ clubs crammed onto South Rd for the ultimate in free-give-aways.
4. Classes started. ...Boring, but interesting.
3. Class schedule change-a-roo. Always necessary and unavoidable.
2. Hoedown (hurricane) Throwdown. Cowboy boots, square dancing, and all things western.
1. Another year older. ...Starting off another year of school and a whole new decade of life.

A lot has happened, but I am so thrilled to be back at school with my fun friends, awesome ministries, beautiful campus, and (though I'll regret this in a week,) interesting classes. Praying that this next year to come is full of laughter, joy, and growth for His kingdom in immeasurable ways!

Follow

Follow from Elevation Church on Vimeo.

I Have Decided

I have decided to follow Jesus,

I have decided to follow Jesus,

I have decided to follow Jesus,

No turning back, No turning back

Getting baptized this morning alongside 1,425 others?
Best. Decision. Ever.
Praise GOD!

This morning, I woke up and (on a "whim") headed to Elevation Church for their early service on my own. I had my entire day planned out (Elevation, Church at Charlotte, lunch, work, yadda yadda yadda), but little did I know, God had quite a different agenda.

The first worship song at Elevation started and my eyes were watering. ...I was already emotional from simply being in the presence of our Almighty Creator. Something was different. Then Steven Furtick started his sermon off by saying "You're getting baptized today. You came here dry, but you're leaving wet." I was afraid to admit it, but deep down I knew he was talking to me. I had been contemplating an adult baptism for the past year but I had always thought I'd do it in the fall so all my friends could be there, and so I could continue putting it off. As usual, God scrapped my plans and handed me His list, to which I had a few qualms.

"But I wanted to wait for Summit so my friends could be there."

"This is not about your friends. It's about you and Me."

"But what about my family? My mom will be so upset if she misses this"

"Leave your father and mother and Follow Me."

"Fine. If I can still get to work on time this afternoon, then I'm all yours... I'm all out of excuses."

An hour later, Steven Furtick counted to 3 and I was off, sobbing the entire walk past cheering volunteers to get changed. Waiting in line to jump in the water tank I couldn't have been more excited- I could hardly write my name on the baptism card because of how much I was shaking. ...and the blurriness of my eyes from all those silly tears. Praise the Lord for His grace to allow me such an opportunity and then give me the courage to obey!

On my turn, they called my name, my mom shouted from the crowd (Yes, Jesus was gracious enough to bring her to see!), and I was dunked... Under went my old self, and out of the water came a Rockstar. I'm a different woman that sits behind this computer right now, after reading David Platt's Radical and now this outward proclamation of my faith. I'm ready to live radically for Jesus, giving everything I have for Him, including my reputation, no matter the cost- He is worth everything, and He deserves nothing less!

"Whoever finds his life will lose it, 

but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it." 

Matthew 10:39

High Hopes

There's something about this summer.

I have some sort of odd appreciation for any kind of craft.

I've made jewelry, art, and now I'm whippin' out the big guns: here come clothes.

I'm (unrealistically) optimistic that my end result will resemble something like what my new friend Lex created out of a men's button up shirt. Already, it's been roughly three days, I've gone through two shirts, and countless questions for my mom and her sewing expertise, but I'm determined to finish this project. 

Needless to say, please wish me luck!

Sea Side

Beach week 2011. 

Me and Mom.

Good books.

Amazing view.

Long walks.

Afternoon naps.

Cold breeze.

Soft sand.

Total relaxation.

One Day at a Time

This morning hit me like a freight train. Up and at 'em at 8am was strangely more difficult than usual, but I obeyed my alarm clock and headed to my typical morning routine of YMCA, breakfast, shower, and time with Jesus. Today as I journaled I couldn't help but think of my future. My next summer, my career, my husband, my family, and even the nonsensical details that will weave their way into my next three years at Carolina.

I just prayed that God would have His way with my future (I'm far too indecisive to even think of what I want my life to look like in fifteen years). I just want my life to glorify You, I kept thinking. ...But then my good friend fear stepped in with all his "what if's", and my trust faltered. Looking too far into the future, worry and doubt flooded my mind and I realized that I, just like Peter, have enough courage and trust to attempt to step out of the boat, but as soon as reality sets in, I'm sinking.
Leave it to Jesus to put me straight already. Still thinking about all this, I popped open my devotional to July 15th.

"Do not worry about tomorrow!

This is not a suggestion, but a command. I divided time into days and nights, so that you would have manageable portions of life to handle. My grace is sufficient for you, but its sufficiency is for only one day at a time. When you worry about the future, you heap day upon day of troubles onto your flimsy frame. You stagger under this heavy load, which I never intended for you to carry.

Throw off this oppressive burden with one quick thrust of trust. Anxious thoughts meander about and crisscross in your brain, but trusting Me brings you directly into My Presence. As you thus affirm your faith, shackles of worry fall off instantly. Enjoy My Presence continually by trusting Me at all times. "

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; 

or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 

Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?"

Matthew 6:25-26

Thankful

After watching Jaycee Lee Dugard's interview last night on TV, I can't stop looking at what I have and just thanking God. Even hearing her story still gives me chills. If you weren't fortunate to watch the interview last night, I suggest you find a friend who DVR-ed it and watch it. Bring a box of tissues.

Seriously though, I'm so thankful. For my home, my friends, my family, my education, my stocked pantry, my car, my job. Everything in my life is such a gift from God, and even when things seem to go wrong, it's easy to think of the less fortunate and realize how blessed we are.

I'm saying a prayer of thanks, but also praying for those stuck in captivity. Children, young women, and even men, I'm praying that those caught in the darkness of human trafficking will be rescued from this life. If it's today or tomorrow or next year, I'm staying hopeful that they will be saved by the only one who really matters and that they'll find hope. I know and trust that their rescue is possible, and I know that people at International Justice Mission are eagerly working for this purpose.

Craft Kick

With a down-sized work schedule and skin that the sun hates, I have had quite a lot of free time on my hands this summer. I finally decided to take advantage of all this extra time and be productive, so I started crafting and said adios to my bare bedroom walls.

To start, I made my own map art. After looking at different types on pinterest and thinking about the trip I made throughout Scandinavia three weeks ago, I was rather inspired. I just picked up some uber-cheap white frames with mats already made, and threw my maps behind them. I stacked two frames on top of one and other (sorry for the lack of picture, my camera isn't the best!), one with the map from Bergen, Norway, and the bottom (and close-up) is from Stockholm. They're easy to do, colorful, and a great way for me to be able to remember my trip!

And then for the real masterpiece, I washed & painted three canvases above my bed that each have part of Romans 12:12 on them. "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer." I was ecstatic when I finally got then hung (evenly and centered...I won't tell you how many holes are actually in my wall behind them!)

Bend

It's that time again: that crazy week when kids abound in energy to sing, dance, craft, play, listen, and learn about the love of Christ in a fun way. It's Vacation Bible School week. I attended VBS as an elementary schooler, and have been volunteering at it since I was old enough. This year, I'm leading 12 kindergartners through Big Apple Adventure, and only hoping to show them an ounce of God's love for them.

This morning as leaders met for prayer, one of the crew leaders lifted up a child in their group named Sofia. Apparently the little girl is staying with a Christian family in Charlotte for a couple weeks while her Atheist parents move from California to DC (after the move, little Sofia will continue living with her parents and whatnot). How amazing and perfect that she has this opportunity to learn about Christ and have His love poured out on her; for the first time, this child is hearing the name of Jesus! Sitting there, hearing the story about this child, I nearly began crying- I can so easily forget the real reason for VBS, and the real impact it has on these children. ...It's not just a fun way to say "I volunteered this summer" or score some babysitting jobs. It is an important, sometimes life changing time for children that I should feel blessed to be a part of.

This afternoon, still thinking about little Sofia and all the others like her, I stumbled across the wise words of Katie, a missionary in Uganda. Truly, I hope that this week I will continue to bend lower and lower still so that these children see nothing of me, but everything of Christ.

"We bend.

I bend to sweep crumbs and I bend to wipe vomit and I bend to pick up little ones and wipe away tears. I bend over a big pot of stew and I bend to fold endless laundry and I bend over math books and spelling sentences and history quiz corrections. And at the end of these days I bend next to the bed and I ask only that I could bend more, bend lower.

Because I serve a Savior who came to be a servant. He lived bent low. And bent down here is where I see His face.

He lived, only to die.

Could I?

Die to self and just break open for love.

This Savior, His one purpose to spend Himself on behalf of messy us. Will I spend myself on behalf of those in front of me?"

PBK.

It's true. This sweet summertime is getting the best of me, and my laziness is kickin' in high gear in all sorts of places; namely, this blog. 

On my mind today? My job. I love my job. I love my job. Working at Pottery Barn Kids has been a dream. The easy going atmosphere, Michael Bublé soundtrack, adorable product, and precious customers (babies, toddlers, pregnant moms, doting grandmothers) make my shifts seem less like "work" and more like a party. Not to mention the people I work with are so kind, fun, and patient as I continue to learn the ropes. 

The only down-side? Dress-code (no denim, closed-toe shoes only). ...and the growing want I have for a child. A bit out of order for the sequence of life events, but how can I not want my own kid after seeing the adorable ones that pop in our store full of personality, giggles, and life? Only adding fuel to the fire is the cutest bedding and furniture we sell. I want a million dollars to decorate a kid's room (actually several rooms- we all know how terrible I am at making decisions), and then an adorable baby to put in it. 

Oye. I perhaps might need a college degree and husband first.

 

Fearless

I've recently started reading Angela Thomas' Do You Know Who I Am? book about women, life, and God prescribed to me by my loving best friend (who, by the way, just got back from AFRICA... No big deal). I started it while I was in Scandinavia and had just begun entertaining thoughts of studying abroad, knowing that I probably wouldn't because the idea terrified me. Funny how timing of these things works out.

First chapter: Be fearless; dream big.
First thoughts: Easy peasy. I can dream big. In fact, I've been dreaming big for years. ...I've dreamt of going to college, and err, doing, umm, things.

Right. So dreaming big isn't really my forte, but who says it has to be? Well, it's not exactly a problem until you realize why you aren't dreaming: Fear. It took some introverted-poking and prodding for me to come to this conclusion, but it's true. I've got a big green monster on my back and I live under his nasty terror. I want to live fearlessly, but at the same time, it's so much easier to live in a safe zone, where possible failure is nearly non-existant. I'm starting to realize that it's time for things to change. Away with this fearful safety; I'm welcoming in some big dreams.

And to start, I have to remember that God has blessed me with gifts, different from anyone else. These gifts, specific to me, shouldn't be compared to others' because they are different. It's like trying to compare a doctor's office to a restaurant. Sure, they both look similar from the outside, and they have the similar objective to serve people, but they are completely different! How, or why, you would even try to compare the two is beyond me. ...So why do we always end up doing this to ourselves? We may look similar and have the same goals, but we are completely different. There is no comparison--it only leads to disappointment, because as we all know, "Comparison is the thief of joy."


In her book, Angela encourages readers to not buy into the lies of comparison because "they win, and we head to the backyard to dig a hole big enough to hide what God has given to us." Rather, we should remember how worthy God is for all the glory, which we can offer by fearlessly using the talents and gifts we've been given. So dream big, my friends, without the fear of failure, but with the confidence that God is worthy. He's given us the ability to think of them, and by His grace, we can make these ideas reality to bring Him the glory.

"You are worthy, our Lord and God, to receive the glory and honor and power, for you created all things, and by your will they were created and have their being."

Revelation 4:11

Oh Scandinavia

I'm back home in the land of fitted sheets, normal daylight hours, free water, and boring architecture: America! I can't even begin to describe how amazing exploring Scandinavia was! We started out in Vetlanda, Sweden at Emily and Hayley's school. I saw both of them graduate and bid their goodbyes to their new, sweet friends, and we were off to Copenhagen!

Danish country was beautiful. We did all the "touristy" things like canal tours, shopping, Royal Palace visits, the mermaid statue, and even a steeple climb! I won't bore you with all the silly details, but I will say that the first night we were there, we were ready for some pizza and a movie night after an exhausting day of traveling. The only problem was the entire web is in Danish, and so the google translating began to figure out what things like "ost" and "kylling" meant, which only lasted about 2 hours before we finally got our food. A few other laughable misfortunes in Copenhagen? One REALLY large, unintentional detour in the rain (our trip to the Royal Palace took about 3 extra hours) and one trip to an "artsy district", which turned out to be a drug ward area. ...Oops! But Copenhagen was truly breathtaking; I could've sat on the main canal all day long.

After our 3 days were complete, Emily boarded the plane to head home, and Hayley and I went on to Norway (and I say "Emily boarded the plane"...more like "planeS"- my poor friend had some serious flight trouble that landed her in different airports for about two days). And off to Bergen we flew! Day one was absolutely beautiful- it was unseasonably sunny and the air was warmer than usual, but the next two days didn't disguise the typical wet, cold weather of Bergen. We mozied around the harbor, went on a fjord tour, saw the town from above, and ate in the fish market on the water! And no worries, we had quite a few laughable misfortunes of our own in Bergen also. Caught in the pouring rain on some random streets, and then there was the case of our silly hostel room skylight. Because it's so far north,  there's only about 4 hours of total darkness up in Scandinavia. So, when we got to our little room with the skylight that had no shade, we had quite a predicament. Luckily, I had brought my eye-mask to sleep in, and we were able to build a tent sort of thing from the stolen airplane blankets to keep some of the sunlight out for Hayley.

Third stop in our Scandinavian tour? Stockholm. We were in Stockholm for less than 24 hours, but it couldn't have been a better end to our trip. The weather was warm and sunny (shorts and a t-shirt weather, which was QUITE a change after my two-pairs-of-socks-and-three-jackets bundle in chilly Bergen), and the Gamla Stan "old town" was beautiful. Our 18 hour stay was the perfect amount of time: we hit the biggest tourist stop, sat on the edge of the bay for a couple hours in the sunshine, and mozied through the main shopping street back to our cave room (which was such a change from our skylight room in Bergen to our window-less black-out room in Stockholm). Laughable misfortune of Stockholm? Peanut butter sandwich overload. We didn't spend a dime on food (on almost the entire trip), and had peanut butter sandwiches for nearly every meal. ...I've had my fill to last me a lifetime, to say the least.
And the next day we were off. Flying 9 hours to Chicago for a 6 hour layover and then another 2 hour flight home!

I still can't believe that the adventure has come and gone, but it is so nice to be back home. It's so good to have Emily and Hayley here again, and I'm excited to catch up with friends, start my summer job, and just relax. I'm also so grateful for the familiarity of life here and the ease that comes when everyone speaks English!

...And of course after all this traveling, I'm positive I won't be missing out on the opportunity to study abroad next year, if I can only figure out where to go...

Jet Set

Tomorrow's the big day. I'm leaving for Sweden (and Copenhagen and Norway) for almost 2 weeks with my beloved best friend. Telling you that I'm just "excited" is far too large an understatement. ...I'm Ecstatic. Thrilled. 

SO EXCITED, I CAN'T CONTAIN MYSELF AND NEED ALL CAPS TO EXPRESS THE EXCITEMENT!

But never fear, blogging world, I'll be back on June 4th to update you on my life, and perhaps encourage a bit of jealousy. Please keep me in your prayers these next few weeks, for safe travels and God's protection!

My Girl(s).

I love my friends. Love, love, love, LOVE them! The Lord blessed my freshman year at UNC with these wonderful, sweet girls, each one compassionate, honest, and caring so much to encourage me always! I love them dearly and enjoy every minute spent with them. This past weekend, we all headed up to Raleigh for Mary Katherine's birthday and baptism. It was a spectacular two days full of lots of food (PF Changs, cookie-dough, crumb cake, and feasting galore... food-coma, anyone?), Bananagrams, fellowship, laughter, good conversation, and relaxation.

So much fun with my sweet sweet friends!

This Summer...

Let's face it. Summer is upon us and the relaxation that accompanies it can turn to boredom quickly. This summer will be different, though. I'm not going to complain once about being bored, but rather, I will be productive and active.

My (unofficial) Summer To-Do:

• All the books on my shelf that I keep saying "I'm going to read that one day..."- well, today is the day. This summer, I'm going to read good books.
• I will not spend all of my money shopping in Target.
• Organize. My bedroom at home still looks like the aftermath of a natural disaster and my college life has yet to be officially moved back home. I'm cleaning out and cleaning up.
• I will regain contact with my inner artist. My paints have sat on the shelf and my easel has been in the attic for far too long.
• More of my artsy side: I'm going to tickle the ivories. I miss my piano teacher and I miss playing, so I'll add some new tunes to my repertoire. 
• Travel. I've already got plans for Europe (I'll set sail in just ONE WEEK!), but on the smaller scale, I'll be making some road trips to see my friends scattered across North Carolina.
• Summer series: how can you not love them? So You Think You Can Dance, The Bachelorette, Pretty Little Liars (don't judge)

Should I think of anything else, I'll be sure to let you know.

Prayers

Oh blogging world! How I've missed you!

So sorry for the hold up, but exams (gross) coupled with moving out (bittersweet) has caused quite a case of the busies. ...And while we're on the topic of moving out, allow me to detail the process a little more. I couldn't think of anything more annoying, drawn-out, dusty, or sad. Leaving our beloved room 1506 left me thinking about the next roommates that will live there. They won't know how it was decorated before, or about the crazy music videos we made, or how we organized our things, or that we even lived there. No one will know but us, but I know we'll never be able to forget the sweet details of our freshman years.

Speaking of which, can I just say one more time that I can NOT believe the year is over. Yes, I'm sitting at home, but I still can't escape the idea that I won't be heading back to school at the end of this week or in a couple days. I really just can't believe the past eight months are completely over. Done. Finished. ...Forever.

But, moving on. Summer has arrived. It's undeniably hot out, and the days feel longer without lists of homework or studying to do. 

Even in these few first days home, things have been far from normal. My father had a major surgery last Thursday after finding a cancerous tumor on his tonsil, which has landed him in the hospital for at least a week. The surgeon gave him a tracheotomy as a preventative measure, which means my dad can't talk. Because he can't speak, he needs someone in the hospital with him at all times. My mom, aunt, sister, and brother and I have been taking shifts and swapping out to watch him, which thankfully is now turning into entertaining him on his road to recovery. He was finally able to go for a walk around the hallways yesterday (I say "walk"... he was FLYING down the hall!), and now he's feeling better enough to just be completely bored and tired of sitting in the hospital.

Even as recovery from this surgery picks up, it's hard to not think that this is only the beginning. Radiation and/or chemotherapy are not far off in his road to complete healing from whatever this one tumor has left behind. Needless to say, prayers for his recovery and the months to come are definitely needed. Trusting God's goodness and sovereignty in this situation has been difficult but so necessary; it's times like this that I'm so thankful that He is in control. 

Two Peas in a Pod

My sweet friend showed me this yesterday. ...Grab some tissues before you watch!


Gene + Jill // Two Pease in a Pod from capture studios on Vimeo.

Royalty

No surprises here: another royal wedding blog post. First exam was this morning at 8 am, but that was no match for the history made today; you better believe I was up this morning to watch Kate down the aisle! ...and seriously- the church? the crowds? her dress? her hair? Prince Harry (sorry, but really- he's so much more attractive than William)?        

Stunning. 

Still more stunning is the royalty we have in Christ.

"All your robes are fragrant with myrrh and aloes and cassia; 

   from palaces adorned with ivory 

   the music of the strings makes you glad. 

Daughters of kings are among your honored women; 

   at your right hand is the royal bride in gold of Ophir.

 Listen, daughter, and pay careful attention: 

   Forget your people and your father’s house. 

Let the king be enthralled by your beauty; 

   honor him, for he is your lord. 

The city of Tyre will come with a gift,

   people of wealth will seek your favor. 

All glorious is the princess within her chamber; 

   her gown is interwoven with gold."

Psalm 45:8-16

Looking Back

Today was the big day we've all been waiting for: LDOC (Last Day Of Classes). Celebrations were rocking on strong this afternoon, and for good reason, but I can't help but feel the pangs of sadness. Where on earth did the past year fly off to?

Looking back, I can't help but smile. Remembering the fresh-off-to-college version of myself on move-in day makes me laugh, thinking about the nights I spent in tears those first few weeks wondering if I would ever find friends. And now, here I am with not enough days left to make some last-minute lunch dates with my new girlfriends. I'm struggling to think of how I'm going to spend my time this summer when I realize that these girls don't live just a couple floors above or across the quad, but that they're a two and a half or four hour drive across the state. Funny how things change.


It's crazy how different things have turned out here during these last few months. God has blessed me in so many ways, by bringing me to the Summit Church, plugging me into Cornerstone campus ministry, and surrounding me with uplifting, wholesome women who are chasing after Him in ways I wish I could. His graciousness continues to radiate through every aspect of my life- my schoolwork, my other clubs and activities on campus, my family, and my walk with Him. Looking back on the past year, I can reminisce the fun things I've done, but nothing compares to the awesome grace God has to reveal Himself to me. I have learned so much about the character and heart of God, and am so thankful to know what it means to live in daily dependence upon Him (not that I live that way every day; I'm far from perfect). But really, God's mercy and grace is such an amazing gift; He is the one who gives us the desires to know Him more and seek Him. Being able to look on the past year and know that it went perfectly according to God's perfect plan is so humbling. And it makes me that much more excited to honor Him with my future.

So, as I wrap up my own LDOC celebrations (sitting in the library studying for finals, anyone?), I can't help but feel it's bittersweet sting. I can't believe I'm almost no longer a freshman. I'm so sad to say goodbye to my dear friends for the summer. I'm only imagining how fast the next three years are going to fly by. But, I'm looking forward into summer, into the old friends I'll be able to catch up with again, and into the excitement of another year at Carolina in the fall.

Home

There's a reason it's so sweet. It's a safe haven, a place to breath, a place to rest. I'm ecstatic to be back.

I'm starting to realize how many things I miss about this wonderful place. I've missed my ceiling fan. I've missed the water pressure in the shower. I miss my best friend who should be here. I've missed my mom and the way she always knows things because she's a mom. I've missed my little white dog- one I can always count on to be happy to see me! I've missed being able to drive around by myself in my car; yes, I talk to myself/pray aloud while I drive. I've missed my giant bed. I've missed the relaxation that comes with knowing I'm home because school is taking a break. Truly, this is my time to breathe, catch up (with Jesus, Mom, and myself), and rest.

Out of all the things I've missed from home, I'm thrilled to be back. I love my time at the YMCA in the mornings, my leisurely afternoons full of coffee dates with old friends, and movie nights with my family. Home is so sweet.

Discoveries

Surprise, surprise: I'm procrastinating discovering new things.

1. Pinterist. The website full of fun pictures for browsing, or you can "pin" them to your own board. This might be the best and worst discovery I've made yet. Too much time has been spent already looking at pretty pictures (of food, clothes, decor, accessories, people, quotes... anything)!
2. It's prom season! I might be in college, but I have friends in high school that went already... facebook creeping is slowly becoming a steady job.
3. My best friend is spectacular. She knows when to make me laugh and tell me what I need to hear. Read for yourself her words of wisdom, love, and encouragement! Love her dearly!
4. Thank goodness my parents aren't awful enough to broadcast it on when parents text. On the other hand, thank goodness there are parents out there who can give me a good laugh at any time of day! 

Now, the products of my pinterist procrastination:

Pretty.

Cute. 

Need.

Want.

Seriously.

Truth.

Rationale

Something I wish I was good at or possessed. Somehow, when it comes to things of the heart or obstacles in my walk with Christ, I disregard all sources of logic and rational flows of thought. Satan dives in, does his meddling (which doesn't take much on effort on his part), and I'm a sucker for it, falling prey to his lies without thinking twice.


My best example of this is what I've been thinking about most recently: Pain, hope, and trials. Recap of the bad? I got on this train of thought that if all my hope is in Christ (which I should do), then I won't be disappointed. Disappointment brings pain and suffering. Thus, when we don't put our hope in Christ and are sinful, we bring about pain and suffering on ourselves. (I know you're what your thinking... more or less this all makes sense so far- but just wait.) Here's the real kicker: Because of all this, it must be sinful be feel pain or suffer.


What a croc. I'm still kicking myself for believing this. ...Ironically, believing this (and not realizing I was until recently) has caused me more pain than it would have otherwise. After a long talk with my mom, she shed some serious light on the truth for me.

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

John 16:33

What used to be my favorite verse had nearly lost all meaning, because I completely forgot about the truth behind it. Jesus tells us we will face trials and pain and suffering- it's the nature of the world we live in! Yes, the pain is a product of our sinfulness, but it is not sinful to wrestle trials or to experience suffering and grieve the pain that accompanies it.

It's His amazing grace that allows us to feel these things, and feel the hope and love that He rushes to us with. JD Greear, pastor at The Summit Church, said it best a couple weeks ago when he preached on Jesus' amazing tenderness.  "Jesus can hardly resist someone who is suffering who is in front of Him... He is the one who, when He’s sitting by your bedside, make pain and death feel like a nap." Jesus is compassionate and merciful; He wants us to run to Him with pain, suffering, trials, and temptations. He wants to comfort us. 


Cry. Feel. Grieve. 

...And think rationally about these things. 

Rest.

Such a simple concept, right? Wrong. This is the thing I've been craving for this past week. Yes, we all want rest for our bodies, time to sleep in and be lazy, and that's definitely something I'm looking forward to, but there's more. I'm physically and emotionally exhausted; I'm tired of fighting my sinfulness. That's why this weekend, I'm looking for real rest from Jesus. I want to rest in the knowledge that He is fighting for me, pursuing me, loving me, and being Himself--compassionate, caring, kind, merciful, full of grace--for me.

"Be at   r e s t  once again, O my soul, 

for the Lord has been good to you." 

(Ps 116:7)

This has been my "theme verse" for the week, and I'm praying that what I glean from it will stay with me in the final weeks of school to come, and even into the summer, when the word "rest" has a whole new meaning.

Light of the World

Procrastination

That one thing that every student and person is born to be good at. Procrastination. It should come as no surprise that I'm practicing this skill as we speak (type?).

Studying for a statistics midterm and writing a poetry explication that's due tomorrow can wait. I have other things to do. More important things? Nope. More interesting things? Not necessarily. More beneficial things? Kind of. What are these things? I'll tell you.


1. Making a list. Decorate it and type it up, using cool fonts and colors, and then fill it with the most mundane things ever.

2. Researching a new recipe. If it's dinner time, try out a whole new entree. ...If it's not a meal time, try out a new snack or dessert, like this fancy cake. Long prep time? Not a problem; we've got time to waste.

3. Catching up with an old friend. There are so many different ways to contact someone these days. Skype, facebook, texting, emailing, talking, instant messaging, and the list goes on. Find one you like and get a hold of someone.

4. Exercising. Go for a jog (This has encouraged my new appreciation for running. ...Maybe one day a half marathon? Doubtful, but I can dream.) Lift some weights (or soup cans...?). Squat a few times. My new favorite is  8 Minute Abs on youtube. Try it out!

5. Getting organized. Clean your desk. Re-organize your closet. People say a change in scenery encourages motivation. Prove them right.

6. Coloring. Grab a friend to buy the coloring book, and you can buy the crayons. Let the fairies and ponies invade.

7. Reading. Pull up a favorite blog, curl up with a good book, or even sit down with your Bible. Escape.

8. Napping. You may think you're not a napper, but it's a beautiful thing that everyone's good at. Trust me.



Maybe completing one or all of these tasks will foster some hard-core motivation to get the important, interesting, beneficial things done.

...Or maybe you'll be that much more unmotivated.

Flying

Time.

I can't believe how fast it's passing. ...Passing? I mean to say flying. zooming. vanishing. Right before my very eyes, time is still ticking, seemingly faster and faster. I'm just now realizing that it's nearly APRIL, and we've got just 3 weekends left here in this beautiful place (3 weeks, Easter, Exams). Crazy.

I can't imagine this upcoming summer without my new friends. I love them all so very much, and the past weekend secured our strong friendships. We all headed down to Wilmington for the weekend with Campus Crusade's Women's Beach Retreat. Although the weather was frigid and far from ideal, the crying, cookie dough, and conversation* couldn't have been better. Saturday night was made extra special by a feet-washing ceremony that the seniors did for us, as they washed our feet and prayed for each one of us. Afterwards, there was not a dry eye in the house, and they wheeled out 5 tubs of cookie dough, m&m's, lollipops, chips & salsa, and carrots (they've got to keep us healthy, you know). Truly, Crusade knows how to treat their ladies. 

What then followed was a three hour hang-out session between our dear group of friends. We're all emotional girls, we know, but don't be fooled- we did other things outside of crying and talking too. For example, Julie krumped for us. Yes, that's correct- sweet-sorority-girl-Julie was "krumping". Sadly, I only saw glimpses of her moves; I was far too busy rolling on the floor laughing hysterically.
After the giggles passed, we moved conversation to a more serious note, talking about what we "crave" in our lives (weekend's theme), and how we can look to Christ to fulfill those things.

And it's amazing how He does fulfill. It's enough to satisfy, but we always want more of Him. Forever craving His presence seems to put all others in the backseat. God offers us to find what we're searching for in Him by seeking His forgiveness, and He never fails to follow through in fulfilling our cravings. "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the Lord, "and will bring you back from captivity." (Jeremiah 29:13-14) He's the one who created us to crave things, knowing that we would search the earth for ways to quench the thirst, while He constantly pours His living water out on us. Our sinfulness in trying to find satisfaction elsewhere is a constant battle, yet His mercy and goodness and love is unconditional. The gospel is such a beautiful story.

With that on my mind, I'm heading into the weekend trying to constantly turn to the Lord for fulfillment. Time is flying by, and I don't want to waste it searching for what I'm trying to find in the place I know it won't be. I'm going to search for those things in Christ.

*Please note my impressive alliteration. Thank you. 

Today

I'm thinking about

1. The beautiful weather. It's no secret that the sunshine has started to have serious side effects on everyone's attitude. People are happier and work becomes less stressful with the promise of a glorious afternoon. I think it's God's way of reminding us of His beauty and unending promises for a brighter day. Truly, His mercies are new every morning and everyday. 
2. The promise of a future. Last night, some friends and I relived our middle school days and played a few rounds of "mash", giving each other the most extreme, worst-case-scenario, laughable circumstances. ...It reminded me of how thankful I am that my fate is not in the hands of anyone other than Jesus who has perfect plans for me. (Which I'm hoping He'll share with me sometime soon!)
3. Fasting. I've joined forces with other Summit Church members in the conquest to fast during Wednesday lunch hours for the month, and spend the time devoted in prayer for other nations. It's been a wonderful time to really experience the power of limitless prayer. Today, we opened with Luke 8:22-25, the story of Jesus calming the winds and waves. "Since our God is able to do anything, we should be bold in what we ask of Him. Pray big prayers!" (If you want to get involved or get more info, click here!)
4. The hope I have. Whether I'm looking for guidance for the future or seeking comfort, I am confident in putting my hope in Christ. It's apparent that God is alive in our world, and putting hope in Him is nearly the only way to survive. Pray that people in Japan would have that same hope as they grieve over lost loved ones, attempt to rebuild cities, and regain normal lives. 
5. Friday night's big game as part of the sweet sixteen. I love my Tar Heels, and I'm hoping that being in the top 16 really is sweet and we sail right through to the elite eight. Expect a serious mood change come next week on the off-chance that Harrison and John don't pull through for us. Let's go, Roy. C'mon Heels!
6. The rainstorm outside my window. It's thundering outside and I can hear the pitter-patter of rain hitting the glass pane. This is quite possibly one of my favorite things. I love the smell of rain, the way it makes the sky look, the calmness it brings, and the way it makes everyone so refreshed afterwards. It's marvelous.

Come Sail Away

Titles

After visiting some dear friends at NC State tonight, I had a wonderful time, but not without receiving some major flack about my blog name. So, to set everyone straight, I figure I should elaborate a little. 

Upon first starting my life blogging, I sat down one night and filled out all the random information, but came to a screeching halt when I saw the "TITLE:" box. Yikes. The name of a blog seems like such an important part of this. Of course, I couldn't think of anything really creative or fitting on the spot, and thus my blog debut was delayed. Luckily, after a few days of bouncing clever phrases off my friends, I finally settled on "Ever So Something". I liked the start of the phrase ("ever so"), but I wanted people to fill in the rest with whatever they like (that would be the "something"). In other words, I think it's a poetic way to let you know that this is all about what you want to make of it. Just substitute the "something" with whatever adjective you feel worthy or necessary for the day. ...How versatile!

Face it, kids- you know it's cool and you like it. 

One Year

This past semester started with a few changes. Other than the obvious- new schedules, routines, textbooks- our Bible study made some changes too. Each leader paired up with a couple of us to start discipling us. The one hour each week that I get to spend with Anna is such a blessing. I look forward to our talks, her encouragement, and her Godly leadership. When we first started meeting, Anna set me up with a Bible reading plan that guides me in reading it in one year. At first I thought it was a great idea and definitely something I wanted to do, but knowing myself, I doubted I would stick with it.

It's amazing how God shatters our plans. Not that I had plans to slowly let go of the Bible reading plan, but He has surprised me (yet again)! He has blessed me with enough time to get my reading in each day, and not only that, but I'm motivated to do it. The Lord, knowing that this would be glorifying to Him and humbling for me, has proved me wrong again- it's day 15 and I'm still going strong (I'm aware that I still have a long ways to go, but I've kept up this long, and that says A LOT).

And His awesomeness doesn't end there. What I've read each day continues to amaze me. (I'm on the plan where you read a little from 4 different books for 25 days of each month). Lately, it's what I've read in Acts about Peter and the other apostles sharing the gospels that has left me standing in awe. "Day after day, in the temple courts, and from house to house, they never stopped teaching and proclaiming the good news that Jesus is the Christ." (5:42) Not only did they never stop sharing, but the Lord continually added to their number. Here today, I find myself praying for just one person to be brought to Jesus, and Peter was bringing them in by the thousands. It blows my mind, just thinking about it. And all of these people coming to know Jesus were so genuine in their faith. They trusted in His provisions and gave generously to those who were in need, and because of that, there rarely was ever a person in need from all the sharing! Can you imagine something like this in our world today? Can you imagine if the wealth was shared like that? Can you imagine if the gospel was shared like that? Can you imagine a faith so genuine?


This has since prompted me to pray continually and confidently for genuine faith. A faith that trusts every ounce of God's promises despite what the world may say. After all, isn't that what gave the apostles the strength, courage, and joy to share His gospel everyday? 

Sunshine

Photo Credit: Amy Bell

I am in love with the beach.

Correction: I am in love with spending time with my friends. And the beach.

So sad to leave today, but I couldn't be more thankful for the wonderful time I've had. We've enjoyed laughter, tears, shopping, seashell-searching, eating, and talking. Although we weren't able to get out in the sunshine in a swimsuit, God certainly blessed our vacation in other ways- ways better than we could've imagined. In ways like...

1. Indoor pool with wrinkly old men that live at the resort. Enough said.
2. Eating. It was our mission to not leave one crumb of food behind. Success? Definitely. Sick? A little.
3. Bananagrams. I am a champion. 
4. Feeding the ducks in the pond behind our condo. Watch-out for seagulls though; they attack for food too (just ask my dear friend Amy).
5. Hair dye. Dying hair in a big jacuzzi tub? I'll check that off my list. 
6. Modern Family is my new favorite show. We watched the entire first season, and it's safe to say we'll all be quoting it for days to come.
7. Blogging. Welcome to the blogging world, Andrea! (Check her out here!)

Besides all of this silliness, the Lord certainly blessed our trip in countless other ways too. We were able to be vulnerable with one and other, showing off our weaknesses (some more indirectly), giving us people to pray for and strengthening the bonds of friendship among us. Not only that, but Jesus made Himself present constantly, giving each of us plenty of time to spend alone with Him everyday. 

Saying goodbye to such a wonderful week is not something I want to do, but I'm excited to move forward with God and these girls on campus. ...More than anything, I'm so excited to see what the Lord has in store for each of us.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Jeremiah 29:11

Near Catastrophe

We have arrived.

But it wouldn't be spring break without some seriously unnecessary drama. How else would we kick start our lovely vacation?

Walking into the resort lobby, I gave the guy at the front desk my information and watched his face turn in dismay at my "under 21" ID. He quickly explained that he had to "cross some extra red tape" since I wasn't an adult but he'd see what he could do, and he disappeared into a back room. 27 minutes later, the guy returned with another man, who told me he couldn't check us in because no one in our party was over 21, despite the fact that my father had already made this reservation through the time share company and had paid for the condo for the week. Seriously?

15 more minutes passed, my dad spoke with the resort people, and they instructed us to go find someone over 21 to come and sign us in. Afraid of not having anywhere to sleep, we walked through the parking lot to Denny's in search of an adult who would be willing to lend us their signature. When we returned with a kind elderly couple in tow, our new resort 'friend' Rich informed us "I can't do that. I can't let them sign you all in." ...You have GOT to be kidding me. (Let me remind you that he was the guy that told us to do that in the first place!)

Another conversation with my father and some higher management, and Rich let us know that they'd let us stay the night, but we would have to have someone sign for us the next morning. Rich was sure to let us know that if we were unable to have an over 21 signature the next day, they would be happy to help us find another place to stay. Gee. Thanks.

Monday morning rolled around and my father called me to let me know that my mom would be driving down (4 hours here and 4 more going back) to hand over her signature. I love my mom. She is just so good and kind and thoughtful. 

Talk about drama. 

Thank the good Lord, though, we got it figured out and the drama has since passed. We are all happily  eating, chatting, laughing, watching TV, painting fingernails, cooking, shopping, and having fun. The rest of the week better watch out. We're going to have a ball.

Spring Break Hopefuls

Tomorrow's the day. Leaving for the beach. Paradise. With 7 best friends. Laughter. Smiles. Girl time.

I can't wait. 

Pray for sunshine. And a safe drive. It's supposed to be chilly.